January 13,2005
When I met the Lord personally, in my naivete, I thought everything in my life will be as smooth as the gliding of an eagle in the sky, as exciting as the waves lapping at a boat on a shore or as refreshing as the dew after the rain but I was wrong.
Yes, sometimes, those things do come and I forget that life doesn’t consist only of that, I forgot that suffering, trials and troubles were part and parcel of life whether I like it or not.
As I grew deeper in my relationship with Jesus, there were a lot of prayers remain unanswered, so many questions remain a question, so many mysteries that I couldn’t fathom, so many desires that were not yet fulfilled and I wonder why I held on and I knew, you also wondered.
There is only one thing that I knew why I held on. Someone is making me hold on…..
In times of desperation, when I couldn’t see in the dark, when I want to give up, when it seems I feel imprisoned and couldn’t get out…. Someone held me so tight and by miracle, lifted me up.
In times of extreme longing that cannot be filled, when I feel so alone and desperate for someone to hold me, when loneliness gripped me so tightly and I feel that nobody love me…. Someone embraces me and by miracle, love me unconditionally.
In times of my greatest need, when I feel like I’ve lost everything, when I couldn’t do anything, even my mind cannot think and my hands cannot work….. Someone made me move and by miracle, found a way out.
In times of sickness, when my strength is ebbing and my mind is hallucinating, when thoughts of tomorrow we’re fogged by pains and sufferings….. Someone is comforting and by miracle, gives me healing.
In times of unfulfilled dreams, when waiting for the answer is such an ordeal, when what I grasped is a promise, when doubts were crystal clear and trust is from a distance….. Someone is not letting go and by miracle, I hope again.
In times of disappointments, when what happened is not what I thought nor what I want, when it is out of my control and my plans were disrupted and what I’ve seen is unwanted….. Someone is in control and by miracle, made me humbly accept.
In times of disobedience, when temptation is so strong that it succeeded, when I continue to fall and it seems I am left in a gutter, when I feel so bruised and filthy….. Someone is forgiving and by miracle, cleanses my sins.
In times of deepest hurt, when my heart is broken and shredded, when the pain goes deeper into my marrow, when it seems I couldn’t be whole again….. Someone is mending and by miracle, a new beginning.
Whatever I did or didn’t do, by miracle that Someone just wouldn’t and couldn’t let go. He just continue to love me and by miracle, continue to believe in me. I am grateful and at the same time in awe of His love for me, of His trust in me and His continued presence in me.
Now, you asked me why am I holding on, or shall I say, living for? Jesus….. He is the only reason…..
*pics by cathydizonperez
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