January 18, 2015
If we need to measure out our life, how do we do it?
Is it by monetary compensation? How much is our earnings or our savings and assets? The wealth or lack of it that made us compare ourselves to others wants and needs, not knowing that in doing so, we became overboard in our concern for materialism?
Is it our family background? The achievements or failures of family members? The DNA that continues to flow through our bloodline from generation to generation that spoke of shame or honor that we just couldn’t walk away from?
Is it the way we talk, the way we look, our so-called unique style that brought out a new fad but in the end we realized we just imitate someone somewhere and just added a subtle twist to announce it as our own?
Is it the knowledge that we accumulate through the years and made us feel like we know everything and boast about how intelligent we are, having an allergic reactions to some peoples foolishness and lack there of?
Is it the fame, the adulation of people who follow us that in the middle of the glamour and glitz, we are blinded to the truth and forget that fame is just a wisp of a wind, a fleeting moment of recognition in our time and soon, we are forgotten, just another memory of someone who captured her dreams and now lived by someone else’s?
Is it the sense of power, the struggle to dominate, to conquer, to own in order to feel that we are someone special, someone great but in the end, it is just a temporary sojourn of our prideful psyche and find that we are just a speck in this too huge of a universe?
What is really can make us who we are? How do we fill this emptiness that continues to gnawed on the inside of us that we just couldn’t grasp. It is there but then so far away.
The longing is so intense. We want to be someone but ended up to be no one. We tried to find our niche in this world and when we thought we already found it, we are not satisfied because we look for another one to reach out to. We call it in so many ways, a dream, a goal, an achievement, a challenge, a stepping stone but in the end, it is just a label of who we thought we want to be so that we could tell everyone that this is who we are.
But the question is, is it really who we are?
Is there really a need to have a definition, a title so that we could freely live in this world? That person is rich, she is poor, her family is good for nothing, he is a successful person so on and so forth. The lists are endless. We are called by so many names that in the process we define ourselves by those titles that most of the time deviate us from the truth. This so-called definitions became a facade to hide us from what we’ve originally made of…..a precious child of God.
You might be wondering what makes me ask this questions? I guess as of now, I’m being restless. I’m searching for that one little turn that makes me see beyond what I am right now. I am being bombarded by those definitions again that confuses my heart if I am really where I want to be.
How do I measure myself in this whole wide constellations? I looked and looked and found myself staring at my Maker’s love. I realized no matter how much I turn my head in circles, I will end up in my Father’s lap.
Living in this world will not always be a straight line. There will always be a detour, a left or right turn or a u-turn in my road of finding myself because that scenario of searching, of moving, of questioning, of longing, of not being fully satisfied is a sure way for me to be pointed out to the One who know me as I am.
Just like what a certain song taught me, I quote; “Every long lost dream led me to where You are. Others who broke my heart they were like northern star. Pointing me on my way into Your loving arms. This much I know it’s true that God blessed the broken road that led me back to You,” that in all these winding roads, the twists and the turns, there is only one plumbline that I am sure of, this measurement is the simplest but a sure fire way in knowing who I am and that’s the love of my Savior who knew where I’ve been, where I am and where I’ll end up with.
I opted to forego the complicated ( the fame, the money, the style, the background, the education, the power), all these titles are shadows of the original, the permanence, they will be forgotten when we meet our Maker and the only thing that’s left is the real us and so in that context, I chose not to be pressured by the temporal and go for the simple, to focus myself on the ways of my Savior.
Then, my heart settled…..the calm descended and simple emerged.
I became simple again….a child of God, His precious one, His beloved.
My heart ached and tears formed and threaten to flow on my cheeks because I’ve come to realized that the only thing that I must concentrate on is not the labels that people even my loved ones define me with but the name that my Father gave me since the time He formed me in my mother’s womb. I am His and will always be.
As my tears freely escaped from my eyes, I felt that sense of gratitude that tells me I am not alone, I have a future, I belong. Someone cares despite my restlessness, despite my rebellion. He is always there ready to open up His heart and His arms to love me again and again and again.
With a grateful heart and a new perspective, I bowed down my head and acknowledged His sovereignty over me, knowing that this surrender is not in vain. He will fill me again with His presence and fill me up to the brim and overflowing.
He will not disappoint and never will…..despite everything.😁