Lately I’ve been a little out of sync (okay, okay, a lot out of sync, you know, out of my element, not my usual m.o. etc.). I guess you know what I mean. Anyway, a scowl has been etched on my face for days now that everytime I look in the mirror, all I see is a face getting older each day. What the…!!! (panic-stricken face).
( I just took a deep breath and I’m okay now. Sorry for being overly dramatic.) Okay, where were we? Yah, right! I’ll continue my story……
So there I was getting pissed-off everyday and I couldn’t fathom what was wrong with me. So, one time in my prayer, I consulted the Lord about this feelings of anger and resentment boiling in my blood and all of a sudden, I saw this hideous creature on top of my shoulder smirking at me. At first I was terrified and then the Lord spoke in my heart, “You need to surrender your anger and resentment to Me towards that particular person. Forgive her.” Then I knew right there and then that I needed God’s grace to do so.
You see, my family and I helped this person to get a degree so that she can help her family in the province, to make their life better and to help them in their poverty but then, this particular person said nasty things about me and my family to other people and it hurt me a lot. She twisted our kindness to her and her family into a negative thing and I couldn’t believe the betrayal that she did despite the fact that she is still living in my house and I’m still caring for her.
When she graduated and had a job, my parents and I didn’t even ask for anything unless she give something to us voluntarily.Her paycheck is all for her family. She became arrogant and prideful that I don’t know what to do with her.
I didn’t know that that particular hurt turned into anger and resentment that is gradually eating me inside. A disease that is shedding away the joy and peace that the Lord is gracing me with everyday.
When the Lord pinpointed to me my iniquity that morning, I immediately confess and surrender to Him all the anger and resentment I felt for that person and decided to forgive her. Then, I saw this horrendous creature on top of my shoulder being ripped off and pulverized into nothingness. I suddenly felt free and joy seeped into my heart and I started to smile again. I started praying for that person who’ve hurt me and surrendered her to the Lord.
When I saw this person after my morning prayer time, by the grace of God I haven’t felt the anger anymore but compassion and love sets in. She needed the Lord and all I could do is to “kill her with kindness,” so to speak.
When I did that she gradually changes. She never said she’s sorry but she became appreciative of what I am doing to her and I could now see and feel of her gratefulness that I haven’t seen or felt before. The changes that she is now unraveling to keep the peace and love in my home is already enough for me. I know that the Lord is working already in her heart and eventually through prayer she will get to know the Lord Jesus in a personal way.
It’s very easy to let pride take precedence in our hearts, letting ourselves think that we are a “victim” of someone else’s wrongdoing. But in the end if we let it consume our heart, it will turn into a hideous creature burdening us every single day. Let us learn to let God take control of our hurts and learn to surrender. It will always be a win-win situation if we rip our pride away and let forgiveness settle in. Being free is the best luxury.
All glory to God!