Archive | September 2016

The Art of Trusting

     It was a typical day inside the University lobby as the students busied themselves, going from one direction to another. Various forms of animated conversations filled the place, some scurried away to talk to their Professors while others were just content to sit on the porch outside the lobby and observe the passersby. But this scene were oblivious to the impatient girl standing in front of the lobby.

     She crossed and uncrossed her arms while straining her neck to look outside the building. A deep frown etched on her forehead as she rhythmically tap her right foot on the pavement, waiting expectantly for her guest interviewee. She, then, glanced at her watch and grimaced, it’s already quarter to nine, she sighed miserably and craned her neck once more, hoping that person will emerge.

     I knew it! There goes my thesis….Dear Lord, please let her come. I really need it. She pleadingly prayed in silence.

     “Danah! Danah!”

     “Huh?” She turned her head and nodded dryly. “Keith.”

“Hi, Danah! What’s up?” Keith asked, so glad to see her. ” Are you waiting for someone? Or are you waiting for me?” Keith asked with a teasing smirk on his face.
    
     Danah rolled her eyes upward and opened her mouth to put Keith on his place when he suddenly grabbed her shoulders and turned her around at the same time inspecting her up and down with his eyes.

     “What do you think you’re doing?!” She cried indignantly as she righted herself, a little bit dizzy and wretched his hands off her shoulders.

     “Oh, I was just looking for your smile,” Tongue in cheek as Keith tried not to laugh. “Maybe, it’s hidden somewhere. Is it inside your  pocket? Tell me, Danah! Don’t keep me in suspense,” Keith persisted with feigned innocence as he continue teasing her, his twinkling eyes giving him away.

     “Keith, will you please get lost, okay? Just get lost!” She gritted her teeth in annoyance, glaring at him.

     “Tsk, tsk…..” He shook his head. “Pity, the lady really woke up on the wrong side of the bed.” And raised his hands in surrender as Dannah squirmed in frustration.
 
     “Okay, okay, you win. I’ll go now,” He leaned forward and whispered to her. “But if you ever miss me and I’m sure you will, don’t hesitate to call me, okay?” He winked at her and walk away smugly while whistling and gave a high-five to one of their classmate.

     Dannah just closed her fist to fight the urge to throw something at his retreating back and stormed out of the building.

     Drat that man! I totally hate him! What a conceited, insufferable…..She took a deep breath to control her negative emotion. Forget him, Dannah, just forget him!  He’s not worth your time and you still got a lot of problems to think about. She pushed the image of Keith out of her mind and sat on the bench outside the  building. She instead diverted her attention to her thesis requirement and pondered on it.

     I still need to interview five more people for the completion of my thesis and it should be completed this coming Feb 15, two weeks from now and of course, there’s still the written exams that I have to face and not to mention, the practical exams that i still need to go through. She groaned and covered her face with her hands in dismayed. Oh gosh! I don’t think I can make it. What if I didn’t graduate this coming March? What will my parents say? They’re counting on me.

     She got up slowly with drooping shoulders, climbing the stairs towards the entrance of the building with a heavy heart and a long face.

     “Danah! Wait!” Keith catches up with her as she continue to walk, ignoring his call. He grabbed her wrist to stop her and smiled, showing his dimples on both cheeks. “See this?” He spread his thesis in front of her. “I’ve already finished my requirements. Isn’t that great!” He informed her excitedly.

   Danah put her hands on her hips and looked at Keith disgustedly. “Well, I don’t care! To tell you frankly, I don’t give a damn! And please, don’t be too smug about it because that’s the only thing you’ve accomplished so far!” She turned her back and resume walking in angry strides. She faltered and stopped on her tracks when a hand grabbed her wrist with a deathly grip, twisting it upward until she face him

     “Don’t you know what’s wrong with you?!” Keith snapped at her, his face a beet red with indignation, gone were the humor that gave out a cry of alarm from Danah. “You thought you know everything, that no one can surpass you. I know you’re intelligent but you just can’t accept the fact that someone beat you this time. And to tell you frankly, Miss high and mighty, I could see through you. Behind that facade of being miss-know-it-all, you’re scared. Your afraid to fail. Why don’t you admit for once in your life that you also need somebody to help you. That you also have a need to lean on a friend. No one lives in this world alone, not even you!” Keith growled and glared at her but slowly released Danah’s wrist when he saw the tears forming at the corner of her eyes.

     His angry demeanor suddenly vanished, replaced by concern on her behalf and regrets. ” I’m sorry, Danah, I didn’t mean to do it. I….”

     “No, Keith, you don’t have to apologize. I deserve it for insulting you and besides, you’re right, I’m losing control of myself like it’s not me anymore.” Danah said, panicked in her eyes. “I’ve never felt this way before, so insecure, doubting God and I’m afraid my fears were eating me alive. I don’t know how to cope up with it. My confidence seems to be just an imagination and my fears is the reality. I hated myself for being so weak.”

     “No, don’t ever think that you’re weak, Danah. It’s a natural human emotion, needing someone. We all go through it, human as we are, that sense of belongingness, of connecting in order for us to realize that we are not alone in this world. Look at me Danah…..” She raised her eyes to Keith’s face as he put his hands on her shoulders. ” I’m here, your friend. You might find me always goofing around, no cares in this world but I do care. I want to help you. I want to be part of your world. Let’s do this together….with God’s help, we will graduate, okay?” He smiled reassuringly, took off her right hand from her shoulder and opened up his palm toward her. Danah took it, savoring the warmth and strength that his hand offered. She smiled back, trusting him.

     Danah scanned the crowd, catching Keith’s eyes. He then winked and mouth the word ” Congratulations.” She winked back, smiled her thanks and started to climb the stairs on the stage as her name were being called to receive her diploma.

Fin

From a friend in need of support, no one need hide in shame.

Sirach 22:25

Deceiving Love

Kate cringed when she heard the slam of the door and her whole being felt the tremor that enveloped her completely and turned her knees into jelly. Inside, Kate is a frozen ball of pain that hurts to the very marrow of her bone. Then the tears that’s been welled inside her eyes burst out from the dam of her lashes and rushed one by one on her face. She crumpled on the bed and bawled in earnest, cradling her face with her hands while shaking the lumpy bed with her sobs.

     After a while, her crying at last began to abate into silent, sobbing breaths that leave her feeling so drained like a drowned kitten. Then she sat up and wiped her wet cheeks with the back of her hands.

     Kate stared through the walls of their room, seeing it for the first time as a prison cell that will swallow her whole and trap her forever. For in this room crystallized the most cherished treasure in her life but this very same room shattered it into pieces with just a snap of a finger….

     Joann and Kate met when the latter transferred to the boardinghouse where Joann lived. They became roommates as well as classmates in the University. Until then, they became inseparable even though their personalities differs a lot. Joann is petite, shy and an introvert while Kate is tall, beautiful and outgoing. But despite all these differences, they still had enormous fun together.

     Kate has always been the center of attention because of her captivating looks that leave Joann a role of being in the background. Kate’s popularity soared higher when she coveted the crown as “Miss University 2014” and in all the term of her success, Joann was always behind her to boost and supported Kate in her endeavor. Other students especially men coined Kate “The Beauty” while Joann “The Wallflower.” But this criticisms didn’t bother them one bit because of their undying friendship…..until Lloyd entered the picture.

     Lloyd is the guy that Joann fell in love with. He’s the Editor-in-Chief of their University quarterly publication, where Joann is also the Literary Editor. They both had a passion for literary works and because of this common ground, they fell in love. From then on, the two some became a trio that started the cooling off of the embers in the hearth of Joann and Kate’s friendship.

     Lately, Kate started to act strangely whenever Lloyd is around, so speculations begin to circulate in the air. People begin to wonder if Kate is also in love with Lloyd since she avoided being with them when Lloyd is in the vicinity. She even turned down all her suitors and because of this the rumors continue to flourish. But Joann and even, Lloyd just shrugged it off and regarded it as a silly notion, never questioning Kate’s unusual behavior because of her trust with her best friend.

     This afternoon, while Joann is cleaning their room, she saw a torn piece of paper lying on the floor beneath Kate’s study table. She picked it up in order to insert it in Kate’s notebook when something caught her eye and read the content of the paper.

     Suddenly, the door opened and Kate strolled in but stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Joann’s expression. Kate shifted her gaze to the paper Joann was holding and recognition dawned on her. She suddenly turned pale and raised startled eyes to Joann’s murderous face.

     “Jo, you don’t understand……”

     “No, Kate! I understand so well!” Kate cringed when Joann shouted.

     “This is the proof that all the rumors were true after all!”

     “No, its not……” Kate swallowed hard and shook her head to dissuade Joann’s accusation.

     “C’mon, Kate. Don’t lie to me! Then what do you think is the meaning of this sweet love letters of yours…..!

Of Lloyd.
      I guess, I fell in love with you from the very first time that we met but I didn’t know it at that time. That is why, I was drawn to your warmth whenever you’re near and it became clearer to me what I felt for you when I found out that you’re falling in love with someone else.
      I know this is all wrong but seeing you both is like a dagger that is continuously piercing my heart, but then, it was already too late for me to pursue what my heart is telling me and I don’t have the courage to tell you what I feel and ruin your happiness.
      I love you so much to take you away from your beloved. I’ve tried really hard to carve out
my heart not to love you but I can’t. I opted instead to love you in silence and ask God’s mercy in my situation.
                                                                     Always,
                                                                      Kate

     Joann crumpled the letter and threw it on the floor. Then, she glared at Kate who anxiously lowered her head.

     “I’m so not believing that this is happening Kate. Now, it is much clearer to me why you’re so uncomfortable whenever Lloyd is around and you seem to dislike him. Its just a facade so that you can keep your little secret of wanting Lloyd for yourself!” Joann spat with so much venom that Kate lifted her head with tears forming around her eyes, threatening to spill out.

     “That’s not true Jo. Please believe me. Gi-g-give me a chance to explain,” She pleadingly asked her with a whispered tremor on her voice.

     “I’m sorry, Kate.” Joann braced her hands in front and step back. “I don’t think I could trust you again. I thought you’re my best friend but now…..I don’t know anymore….” And she walked past her to get out of the room.

     Kate were cut off from her reverie when a crashing wind rattled the shuttered window in their room. She got up and mechanically packed all of her belongings, leaving behind all the fun-filled and painful memories of their friendship together. Moving like a robot devoid of any emotions, she slung her duffel bag on her shoulder and her two suitcases out of the door.

     Rivulet of fresh tears streamed down her face when she turned her head to cast a woeful look at the boardinghouse. Then, she raised her head towards the fading golden orange fingers of the setting sun and started to walk away…..
    
       I’m sorry, Jo, for deceiving you. I let everybody think that I love Lloyd because I don’t want you to find out….. that I love you…..

Fin

Nature’s Best

I love nature. That is why I love traveling. When I am in the middle of a forest or a field or a beach or even a beautiful park in a middle of a metropolis, I felt its peace and positive energy that heightened my lopsided equilibrium and gave it a balance I couldn’t explain. It made me breathe easily, all the tensions were gone and I felt serenity in lieu of chaos inside of me.

But among nature’s best, I am more fascinated with two beautiful creation of God and that is the towering trees with their massive trunks and the beauteous butterflies that dances around happily.

When I looked up in the sky and saw these trees with their leaves swaying with the breeze, making a pattern of shadows on my face and around me, I am in awe of their beauty and hugeness. I felt protected instead of threatened by their stature and how they stand tall telling everyone, I  am who I am and I am proud of it.

For me, trees represents sturdiness, dependability, usefulness and so much more. They give an aura of confidence that no matter what the seasons may hurl at them, they will survive because they are rooted so deep inside the soil. No storms could ever uprooted them. But if for a time, they will be deracinated, their legacy still lingers. Their usefulness goes beyond their dying by giving warmth and tools for God’s people.

I want to aspire like a tree. Deeply rooted in my Savior’s arms that no one could ever pluck me out from Him. I want to sway with the breeze of the Holy Spirit’s fire and be directed by His breath on me to do as He wills. And when the time comes for me to be in heaven, I desire that my legacy will  be use for my Father’s glory because I was a faithful and obedient servant of His.

Trees stand tall in my periphery and the butterflies dances in my reverie.

Whenever I see butterflies hovering around me, it made me smile. Their beauty while fleeting from one place to another and sometimes chooses to land on my shoulder gives me goosebumps and I couldn’t help but stare at their intricate and diversified colors, telling everyone we may not look a like but we are all in harmony.

I see them flapping their wings joyfully not telling what they went through before they get to be in this beautiful stage in their lives. When I crossed upon it, I felt crushed right through the marrow of my bone and had this great respect of their courage and patience in the adversity that they went through as a wiggly, disgusting worm to a nondescript cocoon and eventually, emerging a very beautiful and delicate butterfly, prancing around in merriment. Freedom galore.

I hope to be like them. I pray that when I am in a stage of a worm, crawling down on my belly, feeling so low, I will humbly accept it with hope in my heart knowing that this is just temporary and the wiggling will stop and Someone will lift me up.

And when a cocoon will span it’s chain around me, hibernating, plateaus that continue to suffocate and tried my patience of its silence, I pray for grace not to struggle to be free immaturely. To gain wisdom amid the waiting, hoping, looking for a future that I desired it to be. To have faith that Someone knows the right time for me to mature and embrace His loving discipline for His glory.

Then, I will emerge like a butterfly, full of vigor, ready to conquer the world with its complexities, knowing that me and my Savior is in agreement with my desire and His will for me. A union of camaraderie and deep understanding of two beings, One who is Omnipresent and the one who have a profound love for His presence. Beauty from ashes. Free to roam around with the wings of bountiful colors that stood the test of time.

Tall aspirations and ephemeral dreams, I know, but nothing is impossible. As long as I live, I can still aspire to be a tree and a butterfly with the unending supply of God’s grace, it can be done. I may fall short but God is able…..He is and I’m sure of it. Really, sure of it, indeed.


Can You Trust Me, Too?

Child, I Am your God,

Your loving and Almighty Father.
In my mind, I have this question,
Can I have your truest answer.

You can trust your earthly father
since you were a mere child,
until now that you’re a grown-up,
you turned to him to provide.

You can trust your earthly doctor,
to cure your every sickness.
Obeying their way of treatment
not questioning their diagnosis.

You love to trust your earthly lover,
their intimacy you sought with longing.
Your heart longs for their deepest care.
Even though at times, you are hurting.

You can trust your earthly work,
to give you security in your future.
The tiredness, you always overlooked,
forgetting that rest is also necessary.

You can trust things for fun.
New inventions for entertainment,
not knowing it’ll subtly corrupt your mind
that steal the true joy I could give you.

Child, can you trust me, too?
To provide for your every need
To heal your every illness
Because I love you so?

Can you trust me, too?
To comfort your adversities
To offer my way of satisfaction
Because of my love for you?

Can you trust me, too?
To love and care for you
Much more than they can do
Because I love you, so?

Child, can you trust me, too?