Archive | October 2015

I Am Helpless

I am helpless.
I need you.
I can’t do it on my own.
I am lost
without you by my side.

I am helpless.
You are all that I need.
You are all that I want.
You are my everything.
My all.

I am helpless.
I feel all alone.
I gasped with pain
when I feel you’re not around.
I want to be near you.

I am helpless.
I want to hear you.
This is my longing.
So intense, I beg
for you to stay.
Be with me.

I am helpless.
I need you more.
This is my desire.
You know that I do.
Hold me tight.

I am helpless.
Don’t allow me to let go.
Shackle me in your arms.
Embrace me with your love.
Help me to be with you.

I am helpless.
Needy, dependent.
So in love with you.
I need to come to you.
To breathe, to live.

I am helpless.
Help me to stay.
I am reaching out to you.
Jesus, I am simply
nothing without you.

I am helpless.
So that I will come.
So that I’ll run to you.
To be one with you.
To have you, to stay.

I am helpless……

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Jesus love you ❤

About Purity

When I was seventeen years old, while standing on a waiting shed near my school for a ride, I uttered a simple but heartfelt prayer, to be a virgin until marriage. I prayed that the only man who can touch my body intimately is no other than my husband. I never thought I will wait for years, that up until now I’m still waiting for him.

This year, I am in my forties and still unadulterated. Most people might say I’m ultra conservative or very Victorian but that’s not really the case, the Lord just answered my prayer and He kept His promise.

Some people doesn’t believe me when I tell them I haven’t been with a man in an intimate way. Just like the doctor (in her mid-twenties) at the hospital one time when she examined my ovaries and she asked me several times if I am really a virgin and I said yes. It’s funny really when she looked at me in an odd way as if being a virgin now a days is now the exception rather than the rule.

Is purity a taboo nowadays? Is this how the world perceived it today? If that’s the case, then what were the moral values that society is teaching these generation? God forbid that we will forget the teachings of the Church about morality in order for modern civilization to flourish.

It’s disturbing to know that if you talk about purity and God’s teaching about its importance, it was frowned at or been snickered to while applauding those who throw caution to the wind and flaunt how liberated they were because that’s already the “in” thing nowadays. That’s why, no wonder, sexual diseases were escalating because of promiscuous behavior. I’m not condemning anyone in this reflection of mine because I, too, experienced how hard is it to say no to sexual temptation but that doesn’t mean, it can’t be done.

It’s a matter of choice really. If you are single, it’s up to you how far you can go with your boyfriend or girlfriend when you face the physical facet of your relationship and if you’re already married, I guess, it’s a matter of being faithful to your better half.

This is just how I look at things in terms of the body as the temple of the Holy Spirit. Many of you might be wondering how did I do it, staying untouched after all these years, with five exes to boot, well, let me tell you, it’s all God’s grace and the ingraining of my parents in my mind through my formative years to save myself for just one man and that will be my husband.

Right now, I’m still waiting and I haven’t regretted that I waited this long and will wait some more in order for me to reap the reward of not having a past to compare it to nor be afraid if my past will haunt me again in my future. By preserving myself for that one special man who will not only own my heart but my undefiled body as well is my dream since I was a teen. And I thank God that He protected me after all this years from deviating from my dream.

Everything is not lost for those, one way or the other, found themselves deviated from the path of purity because we have a God of second chances or third, so on and so forth. Our loving Father always embraces our weaknesses if we repented of our promiscuity and walk again the path of righteousness. He loved us so much to allow us to continue defiling the body that the Holy Spirit is dwelling on. No two spirit can dwell inside one body. It’s either you chose to be pure or the other way around. But I tell you, when you choose the former, your crown of joy surpasses the temporary lust that you let your body succumbed to.

Sex is a gift from God. It is the ultimate expression of love between a man and his wife and even in this modern society, that rule still stand. No to premarital nor marital affairs of the flesh and when you obey the teaching of the Lord, the marriage that you were waiting for (if you’re still single) will be the best there is and more satisfying and if you’re married already, the marriage that you are in now will be filled with blessings unsurpassed because of your fidelity.

How do I know it? Why don’t you asked those happy couples who waited on the Lord and they will guarantee it. I did asked and their answers were rewarding enough and I, too, dreamt of what they’ve got.

Someday, my time will come and when me and my husband’s marriage bed is saturated with purity, I know, the grace and blessings of the Lord will be there.

Thank you Lord for your Spirit that dwells in me.

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Jesus love you ❤

Comparing Me to You

Comparison became a way of life in our society. We live in a world where people look down on some people when they are different, have another opinion that does not conform to their own or when we are the minority not the majority.

I’ve experienced it first hand from my loved ones, to my teachers, neighbors, friends, enemies as well as strangers who lifts their eyebrows because they judges me already despite not knowing me personally. My loved ones meant well, I guess because they love me and even friends for that matter but others, I think they just don’t like me. Anyway, that’s how I grew up, being compared intentionally or unintentionally by others to others. And I know, most of us experienced the same way.

Years went on and that comparison ingrained already in my memory became a habit of mine. I don’t only listen to other people’s comparing me to others, this time, I became an expert in comparing myself (more critically, mind you) to others. Because of that cruel, self-comparison and self-criticism, insecurities sets in, pride sprout its ugliness and pretending became a mantra in my life.

I became obsess, if I may use the word, of being part of the group, of being in, of doing something or anything for that matter just to get approval from those who have authority over me so that they will stop comparing me to others. To the point that I get so heartbroken if I heard even a single word of criticism or comparison. That self-doubt, that I thought nobody knew, destroyed some of my dreams.

I drop some of them because I thought I am not good enough to pursue it, they might laugh at me, they will not understand, they will not support my passion, they will compare me to others who is doing want I dreamed of. And the lists goes on and on and I settled for what is a routine. The thing that I do whom they’ve accepted. Never to defy what’s there. Too afraid to do something new or be courageous and risk what is “normal” in their eyes or point of view.

I was so wrapped up in my normalcy that I became blind and deaf to what is inside of me.

Years passed by and I met the Lord Jesus personally. That’s when I found myself deviating from the norm of the society, not in a rebellious way but in loving obedience to the will of my Saviour, and that’s when I slowly but steadfastly found my true self again.

It was a long journey of diversity, of casting aside something about what I think of myself and opening my hands and heart to what the Lord thought of me. It helped me a lot to gain more confidence day by day and find the dreams that I thought were already buried for good but now surfaces once again, this time with less fear and more courage to do it for His glory.

It’s a long and painful process but  it’s worth it. Now, I am living my dream. Now, I am writing. Now, I am sharing who I am to the world without fear and uncertainties of what others may think of me or even if they throw their criticisms smack down to my face. All I know is that I am living my dream, do they?

Just like this 8 year old kid who I happened to watch on a video from a social media site that changed me more and made me gain more confidence about myself. His right limb were amputated and he got only two fingers on his right arm but he excels in all kinds of sports. Name it and he can do it especially track and field in which, according to him, is his favorite. I salute his courage and determination but what struck me most is his joy and confidence. The way he smiles confidently when he answered all the questions that the popular daytime show host hurled at him. He is really a very special and exceptional child and I was blessed by his answer when the host asked him: What will you tell those kids who happened to be different?

And he said, I quote, “Everyone is different whether you look different, you think different, or you act different. Mine happens to be I look different and it’s very obvious but that doesn’t mean that a kid with four limbs doesn’t have any challenges. Everybody has challenges and everybody stares at everybody, so being different is okay and you can dream, you can hope and make it happen. And I hope that they can make it happen.”

Wow! Wisdom coming from the mouth of babes……Need I say more?

I think, he says it all. All glory to God…..

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Jesus love you ❤

Balancing Act

A friend of mine just told me of her happiness by meeting and loving the man of her dreams. The one that she’d been praying and waiting for, for so long. I saw the twinkle in her eyes as she related to me there love story but then, all of a sudden she sighed and with a drooping shoulders, she also unburden the load of caring for an important member of her family in a hospital that tainted her bout of mirth.

Then she told me, why can’t things be perfect as it is?
And I answered her, you should be thankful, now you have somebody  to lean on when the burden is too heavy for you to carry rather than carrying it on your own.

But then again, it got me thinking….

Life in general is a balancing act….

We need to juggle so many things that concerns us that sometimes we forget that all of these things that we are addressing, are the ones who gives meaning to our lives, enhances our characters and molding us to be who we are and what we will be.

The balance of good and evil, light and darkness, success and failures, certainties and doubts, happiness and loneliness is a package that we need to accept and embrace in order for us to realize that this is the making of the universe that we live in, a temporary sojourn that takes us beyond our narcissism, calling us to be aware that we are not alone, that there are others surrounding us.

I believe that in everything that we’ve experienced, complained about, pondered on, struggled for, laughed at, wailed over is by nature telling us to choose between leaning on so much on the unwanted unpleasantness that will tip down the balancing scale or to dwell on reality that life will most unlikely and will never be perfect at all.
    
Everytime I feel like shoving or, forgive the brutally, killing any form of irritation that wouldn’t go away no matter how much I try, I always take a deep breath and tell myself; “I need this. This is just temporary. I will emerge a much better person. Soon, I will wake up and this is all over.” And even if sometimes it doesn’t work and I’m still in a murderous mode, I chose to accept the dent in my tune-up life because basically, life is really like that….perfection is void…. permanence is nil…

I just have to live with that and love my life as it is…..to its fullness.

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Jesus love you ❤

Lost

Pit-pat, pit-pat, pit-pat, pit-pat, pit-pat

                      Spreading,

                  Thoughts upon,

                      Crestfallen,

                      Searching,

                       Longing,

                    Healing sound,

                      Heightened,

                         Aching,

                       Dreading,

                        Missing,

                      Same soul,

                     
                      Goes on……

Pit-pat, pit-pat, pit-pat, pit-pat, pit-pat

                       

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Jesus love you ❤