Archive | July 2015

Later?

Later is a word I sometimes associate with procrastination. When I must do something important right now and somehow my brain doesn’t pick up yet that it is and I succumb to my  laziness or it is disrupting my current plan for the day, I didn’t do it and I ended up regretting it knowing in the end I suffer the consequences of my delayed action? That’s what later is all about to me.

There are times when we need to wait for acting on things that we need to do but most of the time we need to do things right now, as of the moment. Like paying a debt that we owe someone or our credit cards for that matter so that we won’t be in a mess of having debts way above our head. Or maybe visiting or helping a family member who needs our support and presence before they disappear completely in our lives or maybe we need to have a doctor’s appointment and we’re just too bothered to know the unforeseen outcome that we keep on postponing it or better yet, maybe we want to embark on things that we love but we’re just afraid to start because we might think we’re are not good enough or people may not understand the things that we don’t normally do with our lives.

So many things to procrastinate about and so little time to undo what we haven’t done in the first place.

I love to write. I’ve been doodling short stories, poems and other literary paraphernalia since I was a kid and it is all done in secret. I started writing it on small notebooks that I hid inside the crevices of my humble room in our old house because I thought it wasn’t good enough. When our house were renovated I lost some of those notebooks and since then I haven’t recovered or captured the true essence of my thoughts and feelings on those lost memoirs of my experiences. Now that I’m having my blog, it always gave me a sigh every time I thought about all those treasures I just took for granted or discarded because of an alibi.

Thank God for true friends who saw beyond my shyness and insecurities and prodded me to publish my works because they believed in what I am capable of. They were just a handful whom I could count with my fingers but they are enough to put my passion for writing into proper perspective and channelling.

Now, I am enjoying my time of what I am passionate about and because of the modern technology, it is easier to do what I love most and it erases the reasons why I shouldn’t do it in the first place. I am happy that I have now my blog, writing every week, despite my own misgivings and uncertainties.

So, my dearest friend, please don’t let me hear you say later or tomorrow if you want to do something for today. Whatever it is that you must do at this moment or right now, it is all worth it. The fruit is much more sweeter as you accomplish things that will save you from swimming into the abyss of regrets. I’ve tasted its sourness and as much as possible I don’t want to taste it again.

Let’s savor today, the “now” and just like what the Savior said: “Let tomorrow take care of itself,” is another day of tackling the “now” of our tomorrows.

Life is too short for living in so much regrets so whatever we can do for today, let’s do it with joy, love and passion in our hearts because in the end we will reap the harvest of fulfillment in due time.

So, please say “I’ll do it now!” and enjoy…. 🙂

image

Jesus love you ❤

Isn’t It Ironic?

I just got back from an out of town trip and as the taxicab shimmied down the road, it pulled to a stop because of the early morning traffic. I let out a sigh, knowing that my anticipated rest will be delayed a little bit longer.

As my head turned on my right,  I saw outside the slightly tinted window, two teens busily sniffing a substance inside a plastic container, contentedly leaning on a concrete fence. I shook my head and utter a prayer.

Then, out of the corner of my eye, just a few feet away from the teenagers, I saw two people on the sidewalk, sitting on a chair, facing each other. The older one is holding a Bible, talking, while the younger man is listening attentively to his preaching. A smile lifted on my cheeks and I uttered another prayer.

As the vehicle taxied closer to my destination, a realization is slowly forming in my mind.
Life consists of two colors. Black or white, night or day, dark or light. The choice is mine and I am the only one who will suffer or take delight in listening to the call of my own choosing.

Sometimes, I blame God or others of the consequences of my actions, forgetting that my will is the only thing in my life that no one could ever touch.
I could be influenced, coerced or submit to someone else’s opinion but the last say is mine and mine alone.

Life also exist in other colors but they are just a
reason or an alibi to cover up or expose the delicate matter of my decisions. I need to learn to swallow the bitter taste or the sweetness of the outcome of its fruition, knowing it is me who planted my own conclusion.

As I got more closer to my home, I uttered a simple but a heartfelt prayer, that in the midst of the different hues of life or the seemingly dullness of black and white, I will perceive and choose the right passage in life.

image

Jesus love you ❤

The Cry of an Imperfect Lover

How can this be?
What are You doing to me?
When will stop You wooing me?
I’ve been ignoring You for so long.

I’m not interested to know You.
I’ve been resisting You for years.
Can’t you see?
I don’t want You!

Why can’t You let me go?
Why are You so stubborn?
What is it in me that You love?
Don’t You know? I am so unworthy of You.

Let me remind You. You are very rich,
I am so poor. I live in this gutter
You’ve got You’re castle in the sky.
You are a King, I am just a pauper.

Why can’t You see our differences?
Why can’t You see how filthy I am?
Why can’t You see I can’t be faithful?
Why can’t You see I have other lovers? Why?

See this….I want You to know my family.
They may hurt, reject or ignore me
But they’re all I’ve got.
I can’t possibly leave them.

How about my friends?
No way! They embraced who I am.
Despite the fact that sometimes
they just don’t understand.

My work? My dependable, secure work!
You’re questioning his worth?
You don’t know my needs,
This one always provides for me.

Don’t You ever dare mention about my vices.
How do You think should I live without them?
Do You want me to die in boredom?
Do you?

So You see….my hands are full.
I can’t, for the life of me, belong to You alone.
That’s utterly ridiculous….Impossible….
You can’t possibly have all of me. I just can’t…..

I have to reject You.
I can’t possibly surrender to You.
How can I?
I need them…..They need me…..

So, please, just go!
Stop pursuing me!
Stop hurting Yourself!
Don’t die because of me……

Die?…..
You’re willing to die on that Cross for me?
Why!? Why would You do that!?
I don’t understand You at all!
How come you’re willing to die for me?

Because You love me?
You love me! Hah! No way!
Nobody could love me unconditionally.
Nobody were willing to die because of me!

Can’t You see my filthiness?
But still You cleansed me.
Can’t You see my nakedness?
But still You clothed me.

You won’t give up.
Until I surrendered to You.
Until my excuses and alibis flew away.
Until there’s only You right in front of me.

Your love changed me.
I am cleansed, renewed, filled.
Bit by bit, I surrendered my lovers.
Until You became my all and all.

But…..
Why am I still hurting You?
Why am I still disobeying You?
Why am I not trusting You?

What makes me doubt Your promises?
Why am I so unfaithful?
Why am I afraid of my future?
Why am I like this?

I was supposed to trust You.
You are my everything!
You give me Your all!
I should be doing the same for You.

I am still failing You.
I made wrong choices.
And sometimes, I am angry with You.
I don’t understand why am I like this?

Oh, Lord, I desire to perfectly love You.
I want to shower You with my praises and cares.
I want to see You nod in approval of what I do.
I need to know Your deepest appreciation.

But…..I have an imperfect heart,
An imperfect thoughts, an imperfect will.
This is all I can give You.
My brokenness, an imperfect me.

My beautiful Bride, that’s all I ever want.
The imperfect and broken you.
Can’t you see how much I love you?
Can’t you see how much I care?

I don’t need a perfect lover.
I need to make you whole.
I need to complete you
And make you mine.

That’s all I ever desire.
That’s all I ever want.
Loving who you are.

image

Embracing the real you.

So, accept fully My love.
Let’s celebrate true love in our hearts.
I Am yours and you are Mine.
Be My beloved and let’s soar high.

Jesus love you ❤

Letting You Go

Sometimes losing someone
is not really a curse.
I must set him free
So he could find his course.
Even if it’ll hurt him,
he may not understand.
It is rather that
or he’ll lose his chance.
I need to let go
so he could find himself.
A selfless gesture
he’ll thank me for it.
I couldn’t show him
the path that he must tread.
Only by losing him
will he find what’s at stake.
It will hurt me, I know
to see him suffer of what I’ll do,
But I couldn’t stand to see him
doing a mistake
of forsaking his true self
just for my sake.
Sometimes, letting go of someone
is saying that I care.
He may not realize it
but I’ve always been there.

Jesus love you ❤

I Hurt

My heart is bleeding.
Tears suppressed,
I pretended.
A fake mirth
pasted on my lips.
Laughter rang out
but hollow to my ears.
Joy is seeping away,
gliding down the drain.
Rain empathized with me
as it continues to drop.
Empty, empty, empty.
Fill me up again, please.
Make my heart jump,
Exuberant with care.
Not this numbness
paralyzing me.
Get up! My head says
but my body won’t cooperate.
Why? How? When?
Trapped with questions,
the cage suffocating me.
My spirit is willing
but my flesh is weak.
Hold me tight.
Never let go.
I beg of you.
I am hurting…..
I. Am. Hurting.

image

Jesus love you ❤

Inside Out

I am having my vacation right now at my Mom’s province and while we were having our snack, I saw this odd looking, jackstone ball look-a-like bread with a pinkish sugary on top. It look so weird to me since I haven’t seen anyone like this and I thought it will be tasteless and hard to chew as well. I had some hesitation of eating the bread but since I had no choice because it was the only bread on the table, I was coerced by tasting it. And I was surprised when I found out that it taste really good. The bun is soft and the pinkish sugary thing on top complements the salty texture of the bun. I ate six of those tasty bun before I had my fill.

Lesson learn? Don’t judge the bun or rather the book by its cover…..

Most of the time, I am guilty of this: Being judgmental. I almost always conclude something on someone just because of how they look or how they act, how they speak, not knowing that these people were more than these things.

I always fall short in the expression, “first impression is lasting.” Sometimes it does but most of time, it doesn’t. Somehow I don’t know the full story of why they look like that or why they act or speak like that. My sense of perception is not always on the right track and most of the time, I barked on a wrong tree and it made me judge the person unfairly. And the judgment is almost if not always inclining on the negative aspect of the scale. The balance is so left-handed that sometimes I hurt people knowingly or unknowingly without getting to see the real them first.

I, too, suffered from being judged by someone as well and the negative feeling it evoked is so unpleasant that I don’t want to be stepping on that shoe again. But life is like that. Perfection is a far away reality in our world. We will be judged by other people and we will judge other people but the most important part is, we acknowledge the fault of being judgmental and correct our mistakes. And we might be surprise later on when we found out that it is slowly being seep out from our system and find ourselves being more generous in giving people we encountered everyday a benefit of a doubt knowing we are simply humans after all, prone to some mistakes but as long as we’re willing to change, I think the grace of God will be more stronger than the wrong perception that we always have for others.

In the end, I realized, there is only One Person who can judge us without any prejudices on His part but with ironclad fist of unconditional love bestowed on us no matter how unforgiving our  sins are. He chose to embrace us fully, judging us with His love and in those loving perception, we found ourselves embracing who we are, at the same time, learning to love others as we love ourselves.

Basically, that’s the golden rule right? And as long as we live in this imperfect world, we may learn to apply this rule everyday of our lives despite of our own past judgmental attitudes.

Learn, change and live. That’s the way to go, my friend 🙂

image

Jesus love you ❤

I Bet…..

I bet you didn’t know that when you look at me,
my heart keeps singing,
even though to you it was just a glance without meaning.

I bet you didn’t know that when you smile at me,
my heart do a rapid pumping,
even though to you it was just a mere greeting.

I bet you didn’t know that when you touch me,
my skin is glowing,
even though to you it was just an accidental brushing.

I bet you didn’t know that when you call me,
my heart continue hoping,
even though to you, you just happen to need something.

I bet you didn’t know that when you started to speak,
my brain start freezing,
even though to you we were just plainly talking.

I bet you didn’t know that when you come nearer,
my heart is leaning,
it’s because your nearness is so comforting.

I bet you didn’t know that when you laugh,
my eyes is twinkling,
it’s because when you’re happy,
I am rejoicing.

I bet you didn’t know that when it’s seems I am not aware of you,
it’s because i am afraid that you will know….

And you don’t feel the same way, too….

image

Jesus love you ❤