Feeling Trapped

I just got back from my OBGYNE ( Obstetrics-Gynecologist) and she told me some bad news. I might have the possibility of not having some kids and since I am now in my early forties, single, sexually inactive ( not even once ), this diagnosis is rather grim to me.

I went home thinking I’ll be okay since I’m not fond of kids anyway but when I entered my room, I just felt so lost and hurt that I cried a silent tears. So many questions entered my mind.

Am I wrong to wait for that one true love? To choose to preserve my virginity? To emersed myself in serving the Lord through all these years? Is it the Lord so unfair when any promiscuous person could have this ovarian cysts but why me who chose to be pure for Him? Did I wasted my life in doing His will and ended up this way?

I don’t know. I really don’t know….. All I know is that I’m hurting. My heart is aching so much, I don’t want reality to sink in. I want to pray but I can’t. I am lost for words and I decided to just cry and cry and cry…..

Tomorrow…..God only knows…..

For today…..I chose to trust Him….

No more questions, just trust….. Lord, help me!

Four days after…..

I went back to God’s promises and in this moment, I hope again 🙂

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Jesus love you ❤

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2 thoughts on “Feeling Trapped

  1. I´m moved again (almost holding tears back)

    What an irony: “I might have the possibility of not having some kids…” and, me, several years now, got vasectomy, because it was my “dream” before I had 4 kids (1 died).
    However. my ex wife got one, with someone else unwilling to give his daughter emotional support… So, his daughter adopted me, as her dad.

    Like

  2. Someone I´m reading gave me several lesson on self compassion “why me who chose to be pure for Him? Did I wasted my life in doing His will and ended up this way?”

    I know she´s thinking, and writing and, her life, is nothing wasted. 😉

    Like

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